sporked.net

I don’t know when the last time where everything simply just went my way - but today was like my birthday.
Progress all over the place, problems being solved, presents, heck - someone even sent me flowers!

It was like my birthday - a red plate day for sure….

When I was 13 years old, and simultneously failing 7th grade and on a trip to accept an award for high SAT scores, I met someone while standing in line to receive said award.  Several years later he started going to school with me and we became good at-school friends.

Unfortunately, he has a pretty common name, and he’s been impossible to locate online, even after many years of attempted internet stalking on my part.  But this am he contacted me via facebook.

Yay for old friends!  Yay for facebook!  Yay!

Work is there, the ever constant thing - but it is not totally unmanagable - on the contrary, i think i’ve made sense of balancing it all.

The Plague™ however, has totally outstayed its welcome.  I am still sick.  very sick.   Not as sick as I sound, but let it be noted anybody who spends a little time with me these days eventually gets a look on their face like they are hanging out with someone who is dying.

As for the last month and the losses of people close to us - I’m still pretty numb.  I can’t help but notice how the After™ part of it all is so quiet.  My thoughts try to push me towards woulda couldas - just because I am the masochist that I am….but I am hopeful for the future.   The people left behind - all of us, seem pretty committed to making things Better.  It’s just so sad that we couldn’t manage that sooner.

So - I’ve been meaning to post an entry about our last couple of weeks.  And I’ve just been stifled.  I don’t know what to say.  Any long time reader knows (do i even have any readers?) the relationship of my mother-in-law to me, and to this blog was somewhat tumultuous.  Is it disrespecting her, and her family by posting this now?  I don’t think so.  That is certainly not the intent.

Pantsless’ Mom passed away last tuesday night quite suddenly.   She was sick, and whether she caught that sickness from me (I have Whooping Cough of all things) is moot, of course - but it weighs heavily on me, regardless if its silly or not.

Pantsless is trying his best to figure out what it means to live in a post-mom world.  He’s sad, and tired, and generally beat.  I don’t know what to do sometimes - I know I can’t Make it Better™, but I want it to be something we figure out together.

All I know is that its a much quieter place.   It sounds trite to say this - but we do really keep waiting for the phone to ring, and her to be on the other end - and it never happens.

So I have an upper respiratory infection. And yeah - I went to the Doctor (woo! insured again after so long without!) and the Doctor gave me all manner of pills and cough syrups to nip this thing in the bud.

But I can’t talk. If I try to talk - one of two things happens. A) I start one of my coughing fits or B) My voice peters out into the quietest of squeaks. Its very frustrating. Trying to talk on the phone is impossible. Attempting to get any complex thought across is pointless. I’ve been squawking one word orders to Pantsless for days now because that’s all the conversation I can manage.

He thinks its funny. I respond to his laughter with very easy to understand sign language